It’s been a rough couple of days…weeks, a year really, and I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to a wet, overcast Monday today. Seeing my mom on two separate occasions last week just really broke my heart. 💔 It is so hard for me to see the suffering she is going through and feeling my hands are tied. The 26th will be a year since the doctor caused her stroke. And if I were to be honest, it’s hard for me to enjoy much of anything in my own life because of it. She is always, always on my mind and in my prayers! I tried hard today to let God in, to take my heavy load, it’s a continual load, but He reminds me He is STILL here and to look for beauty where I can. It is an attitude adjustment I surely struggle with but today, right now, I choose to focus on the beauty He has given me out my rear window.
I took this photo on one of our walks nearby.
I have always loved Francis Chan and this quote came from reading his book “Crazy Love”.
My other Instagram acct deals with fashion, food, home decor and faith. @Morgie_and_Me
I pulled over to take this pic after going up to an appointment for my mom. I call it “Big Sky”.😍
Even if you don’t have that special valentine today, or you are feeling sad and low… I, even a stranger to you, want you to know that someone DOES love you and saw you before the beginning of time. You are important; you were designed to come into this world, you have something to add, and you are still here for this purpose.
Be you…but be kind.
Don’t listen to naysayers.
Happy Valentine’s Day❣️
Psalm 139:15-16 (NLT) – “You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”
Do you constantly see things in the news or feel frustrated with hearing issues you wish you could change? 😿Well, you can… in your own, little corner of the world. Bloom where you’re planted. 🌻You may not be able to help everybody, but you can help that one person.
Do good. 🌾
Even in your own struggle and pain; REACH OUT to others.
It’s very hard at times, with all that life throws you, but oh so rewarding!
You were designed for a purpose. Don’t leave this earth regretting you didn’t do more to help mankind or to be God’s hand extended.
Waste no time.
Leave this earth knowing you made it a better place!
(pic taken along a walking trail with my hubby)
Only home a second day from Panama City Beach, and I’m already thinking about how to move to the south, sooner!
I have a countdown going on in my head.
See, Hubby can retire in three years, and my grandkids are sure to arrive in the next few years. There might be a slight problem in that my son just got married and lives here, in Indiana, but my daughter is in Georgia and was married in 2015.
I guess it’s a race to see who has their kids first. 😉
If you’re at all interested in my fam…here’s my daughter’s wedding video. And a post about the wedding day: HERE
And, we just got my son’s video!: HERE
Regardless, I just can’t handle winters, anywhere, anymore! Even if my kids didn’t live in the south, I would eventually have to move there, for sure.
I LOVED Hawaii. It was like the Garden of Eden.
I’m still trying to talk my husband into retiring there, as well. 😉
Okay, so a loaf of bread costs $5.oo.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the change of seasons and the area where we live is known for its vivid, fall colors.
As for winter, I actually love the snow and don’t mind the cold here.
It IS pretty and it does make it feel more like the holiday season has arrived.
Some of my favorite times are going out to take pictures at night when the snow has fallen. It’s SO peaceful.
⌈The neighbor’s house.⌋
Heck, I’ve even been known to run errands without a coat during 37º days…menopause or no menopause.
And when this little, Cali girl visited grandparents one midwestern winter, she was totally obsessed with seeing snow, playing in the snow, laying in the snow…not coming in from the snow, period.
I even have fond memories, while living in southern California, of my dad driving us up to the mountains of Big Bear. We’d drive around for hours listening to Christmas carols hoping to see even one flake of falling snow.
We were thrilled to find on one particular visit there was enough snow for snowball fights and sledding. Sledding down steep mountainsides ladened with huge, snow drifts jumping a foot or two in the air and then careening down onto curvy mountain roadways. (My brother actually hit a parked, car’s wheel that trip. That wheel kept him from going under the car and over the mountain cliff. TRUE STORY.)
So the past winters have been fun, but not anymore… they are really taking a toll on me now!
PRAYING/FIGHTING for HOPE
Sadly, my body has developed worsening health “issues” where the winter just really does a number on my eyes and skin, (diseases) and it’s getting worse each year. Truly, these last eight years have been a literal HELL for me, with the last three almost unbearable. The pain has been torturous. Pure. Torture.
Yep, my hope has waned, many times.
I have continually prayed for God to restore my hope especially when the pain didn’t let up for months on end. And prayed he would protect my sanity. (Those with chronic illness/disease or chronic pain will get this.)
And I have to continually fight my mind about looking too far into the future because my 40s & 50s have been the toughest years of my life. I have to tell myself to refocus and just live out today. Many times it’s been a refocusing minute by minute, quite literally.
I have to determine to lean into God hard, TODAY, and praise Him for what I can find that’s good, TODAY.
It’s not easy, I assure you.
HEALING in the SUN
So, hubby suggested a break from winter.
My eyes and skin started feeling better within a couple of days and thankfully, I didn’t have any major reactions like my last trip- uh, YAY!
Just not having that forced heat hit me all day, brought much relief and healing. And leaving the bleak, cold, overcast days just felt GOOD for the soul.
It wasn’t an easy drive for me, with this continual back pain, (It’s been a year now.) but I was sick of so many gloomy days I finally said, “I’ll chance the drive; let’s get outta here!”
I was glad in the end that we made that L O N G, 11.5 hr., drive. (I would’ve rather flown but it allowed me to use all my heating pads, medical devices, etc.. Boy, I sound OLD! (I’m a walking medical lab, now. ha.)
And luckily, my daughter and her husband were able to drive over from GA, joining us for two days. So, it was great to see them, too.
Playing with the sand, feeling the warmth of the sun soaking in, and just having face-to-face conversations with my daughter, just the two of us, as we waded in the water was just what the doctor ordered.
I also realized this was the FIRST time, in YEARS, I could go on a vacation and not fear the sun due to getting off my immune suppressing drug. YAY!!!!! (*Sun exposure is not allowed due to skin cancer risks.)
That alone makes a vaca a VACA! 🙂
Digression: I bought this bracelet one night at a restaurant and earlier that morning found this cute, little shell… had to dig down into the water to grab it before I got knocked over by a wave. My daughter was right by my side when I spotted it. 🙂
Didn’t find any more shells quite this perfect. 😉
Now we’re back.
And the heat is blowing.
And my sweats and socks are back on. 😦
(going from shorts to sweats=just not cool)
I’m physically suffering again. UGGH.
Yeah, I might have (or might not have) told my husband I may be moving ahead of him.
I leave you with the sights and sounds of the beach. ENJOY!
The leaves and needles are falling, there’s change all over my backyard.
Nature is transitioning, and the cold is coming.
Nature mimics our lives.
Change/transition can sometimes bring the cold too:
At times, ABSOLUTE TRAUMA.
Life can change out of nowhere, with not even a hint of warning…
loss of a job, a bad report from the doctor, a friend’s unfounded betrayal,
And with it, brings heartache.
Deep, deep sadness.
The deepest pit.
Heartache [only YOU know] because it’s YOURS.
You own it at its deepest level.
Yes, people can offer advice, words of comfort, even wisdom…
BUT words feel like a band-aid. You can’t really take them in.
You don’t want any more words.
You dread to see anyone. I mean how do you answer?
You feel you just can’t take anymore.
Finally, your body breaks down in a good cry. A hard cry. A shaking kind of cry.
A cry your body can’t hold in any longer.
And it pleads for a meeting with God.
A quiet, still place where He brings His presence. HIS sweet, wonderful presence.
No one’s talking. It’s just still.
That undeniable presence consumes your space.
You KNOW He’s near.
in every part of your being.
Only GOD can do that.
Only GOD really gets you.
He knows your deepest pain like no other.
Only HE can comfort.
Yes, HE knows you intimately.
He promises to get right in there and feel your sorrow with you.
He’s present…He really is.
Right alongside you.
We live in a fallen world with many hurts and disappointments.
This isn’t how we saw our lives.
This wasn’t the plan.
People weren’t supposed to be so mean.
My loved one was to be here for many, more years.
But..life happens and you’re caught off guard.
There’s no stopping it, or asking for a do-over.
You can never be prepared.
Lean on God, pour out your heart.
Feel embraced and loved today.
He gets it. He really does.
More than anyone else.
And yes, someday…
Someday…IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE.
That is the HOPE I choose to lean on;
to cling to.
It’s my ONLY choice, really.