Don’t Be Demanding During the Holidays

As the holidays roll around, I often talk with people and hear about how stressed they are trying to please their family members at this time. It makes me reflect on family dynamics and why people act the way they do, or get so bent out of shape at this time of year. I just heard a lady (while at the hair salon) speaking about how she works SO hard, is super busy, then has to cook a huge meal while off work…yadda, yadda, yadda, BUT this year she was choosing to stay home, just her and hubby, and she thought it sounded glorious. Why is the holiday season SO stressful for us…women, especially?

I believe it’s because some family members have preconceived expectations about how things should go. I hear friends say that their family members don’t understand their hectic life or work schedule, that they always are the one to cook and never get help, they mention they don’t get much time with one side of the family over another, or they ate 3 huge meals in one day just to please everyone. Geeze!

Why can’t people talk with each other and just be honest explaining their reality like grown ups should be able to?

As I grow older, I reflect on these situations and have created a series of posters entitled, “The older I get…” All are observations I’ve had while talking to people or while encountering certain social situations.

So, my own kids are now married. And I refuse to be that parent that pressures them (silent or not) into feeling they have to meet my needs or be somewhere that causes them undue stress. I don’t want to apply that kind of pressure to anyone! I haven’t liked it myself, in the past, and I don’t want it for them. No holiday, or get together is worth that feeling of guilt, or the added stress of trying to please everyone. You can end up resenting family holidays. I mean, even if it doesn’t seem fair at times, I refuse to put that pressure on my family because I’ve seen what that kind of hurt can do to relationships. It causes problems or misunderstanding for years! And I don’t want that! I want my family to visit me because they love me and want to be around me. I don’t want anyone feeling stressed over trying to make an engagement because they fear my disapproval. That’s not love, nor dying to one’s rights, nor is it even enjoyable when they do show up because it’s begrudgingly. Am I right?

I have seen so many family splits over such stupid nonsense.

I know of occasions when my own mother felt she didn’t have an adequate home (not completed due to constant remodeling nor enough beds for everyone), and she would ask if I could house family coming in from out of state. That really never bothered me because I liked hosting them and just being together all in one place was fun to me, and it brought joy to my parents. However, I always felt bad mom worried about many a holiday season. She wanted things to be just perfect, nice and cozy, creating good memories for grandkids she wasn’t able to visit with all that often, and I understood that. But, to be able to just do what you can, and be okay with that, and everyone giving grace to each other and just being thankful to be together…that would be more enjoyable. That’s what truly mattered, still does.

So, you can’t make it one year, or you’re cramped and everyone sleeps on the floor, or you’re not a good cook, so you get takeout, or you can only buy a few gifts…no biggie. It’s really not important and it’s sad people don’t realize that sooner. We really need to let go of OUR wants, OUR expectations, OUR needs, and try to put ourselves in the OTHER person’s shoes.

Not everyone has the same upbringing, not everyone celebrated Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas the way you did. Not everyone understands your traditions, norms, or your family’s customs. And guess what? That’s perfectly fine. We all are unique. We were all raised differently. And that’s okay, too! There is no perfect way to do things. Why do we think everyone should be like us, do like us, sound like us, think like us, celebrate like us or just conform to our ways? The way “we’ve always done it!!”

Life is a mix. A mix of people…ideas, wants, and needs. We all need to just chill and learn to enjoy one another because time is shorter than we even realize, even at this moment.

I’ve seen many a family go through extreme crisis, and I bet they would tell you that just being with their special loved one, doing nothing extraordinary, or having any great plans would be just fine. Letting go of any differences. In fact, I would bet they would be happy to just let go of everything and just be.

Be present.

Because, being there in the moment with their loved one, would be gift enough. ❤️

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Saddened by the Disrespect Shown to Another Young Soldier (Repost 5/26/17)

uncle-terry-recent

After recently visiting my Uncle’s grave, I was upset to hear, once again, about another young man who lost his precious life.

Another son had died.

In a foreign, far away place.

He fell as a soldier wearing the United States uniform, and now, his parents were bringing him home.

And the reactions of the plane’s passengers made me sick.

VERY SICK and VERY ANGRY!

The article describing the incident here.  

I wanted to cry. I felt horrified to think other human beings could be so calloused. Americans, at that!

I couldn’t even fathom this lack of respect, nor comprehend such a show of self-centeredness or whatever they thought they were trying to achieve.

What causes a person/people to treat a grieving family with such disdain?

What has happened to our America?

I tried to place myself in that family’s shoes; that frozen moment in time they will NEVER forget…

My heart was heavy for them.

But how can my heart be SO different from those that were on that plane?


My family is also familiar with this pain. They could tell you of profound grief.

We, too, lost a young soldier in Vietnam many years ago.

Terry3

He was escorted home, finally.

It just happened to be decades after being listed as Missing in Action. (MIA)


It was the 60s and the Vietnam War was raging. My Uncle Terry had volunteered just as his two older brothers had.

Marine family of uncles, dad, and brother

He was part of a helicopter crew, rescuing the wounded when his helicopter was shot down.

Some of the men were thrown from the fiery crash, but Terry was never found.

We always wondered what the full story was.

Terry5

Then, in 1993, some Vietnamese farmers came forth with items from a crash. And the story began to unfold.

Forensics were then confirmed in Honolulu, and my brother–then a young Marine himself– escorted Terry’s remains home.

Terry could’ve been buried at Arlington. However,  the family thought it best to teach a community (and the younger generations) a valuable lesson.

A lesson we feared was being lost, not really taught in schools much anymore.

Not just one lesson, but many:

That war was cruel.

Kids were still dying to this day.

That we should be there to support families, help where needed, and invite a military family over for the holidays.

(You know, just be a good human.)

That this could have been anyone’s son or daughter.

And there were other countries losing their people, DAILY, due to lack of freedom with many picking up rifles to enter war as children.

Most importantly,

that freedom had a price. Always has, always will.

A HUGE price.


So, on that hot and humid July 4th, Terry’s high school gym was packed out.

He was remembered for his talented football skills, and his kind, gentle ways.

Terry1

His ultimate sacrifice recognized.

Our family, once again, was left with distant memories.  Terry’s parents (my grandparents) had wounds reopened all over again.

Terry4

People lined the streets, kids waved flags, and many a biker rode in from the surrounding states to finally return their MIA bracelets.

It was a memorable sight to see them piled high, on the floor, near my grandparents’ feet. It had to be so hard for them.

The news crews were there to capture it all.

The flag-draped coffin.

The thunderous flyover that moved you to your core.

The caisson; a solemn reminder as it passed through town to the beat of a sole drum.

COMPLETE RESPECT was shown that day.

Tragically, for this other family on the plane…

that didn’t happen.

There wasn’t much, if any, shown.


My Uncle Terry didn’t get to finish college.

Terry 2

And I sometimes wonder what his life might have looked like.

What would’ve been his hobby to tinker with?

Who would he have married? How many kids would he have?

He wasn’t able to marry, have kids or enjoy a weekend with family.

(Just to have another day to show his own thankfulness.)

No, he CHOSE to leave a comfortable life to help in a far away land.

He wanted to show his loyalty.

He wanted to make sure we were ALL afforded continued freedom.

Simply put…HIS MOTIVES were PURE.

USMC, Marine soldier's gravestone


If I had been on that plane, I can tell you…

I could NOT have sat there silently!

I KNOW, that I would’ve stood to speak for that family.

I KNOW, I would’ve cried with that family.

I KNOW, I would’ve tried to apologize to that family.

AND, I would’ve thanked them and made it clear that this is not the totality of America that my Uncle, nor their son, gave their lives for!!


Find a military family to reach out to.

Reach out to a grieving widow, a cop, a neighbor…the lonely and under appreciated in your community.

Compliment your local worker.

Invite someone over for the holidays.

Say a prayer for others.

Just show some kindness, some thankfulness.

Bridge the gap(s).

Teach your kids.

Show some honor and respect.

I know my Uncle Terry would have,

if he could.


* For Terry’s documented military story two accounts are listed below:

http://www.vhpa.org/KIA/incident/68081999KIA.HTM

❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸

http://www.hmm-262combatvets.org/hoffmann_memorial.htm


Link to:The United States Marine Corps

Written in honor of Terry who would have turned 72 Feb. 4th.💗

Show some thankfulness this Thanksgivingposter.

A Reblog from Another Author: Narcissism

As you know, I follow several bloggers, counselors, psychologists, pastors…all writers here on WordPress Reader, and this came through my email recently (via my subscription to one of the authors’ newsletter). I’m just now getting around to my mail and reading some newsletters, while I recuperate from surgery. I thought I would forward (reblog) Ana’s article as it contains very useful information regarding narcissistic and/or toxic people. Towards the very end of the written material, you will have to click “view original post below” to read on. That’s where the information is so interesting and hits the nail on the head.

Also, you might consider ordering Ana’s book; it would be such a valuable tool.

Author quote: “You can’t have reality in a situation or relationship where there is none, especially a situation that is embellished with toxic behavior to push your buttons, play with your emotions and manipulate you to your lowest level like that with a NARCISSIST.”

Ana’s bio link: https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/about-ana/

From her blog post:

After Narcissistic Abuse

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

One of the most obvious signs of malignant Narcissism is the way they constantly malign others. They are constantly remodeling, redeveloping, and improving their own image at someone else’s expense through their acts of back-stabbing, triangulating, smearing, putting others down, constant negativity, betrayal, lies, extortion, etc. We must ALWAYS consider that love should never hurt a person nor take them down a road of destruction. Ultimately love can make us sad when we lose a loved one but that is the reality of unconditional love when someone near to us is suffering, or we lose them completely – and that is more or less grieving a REAL connection between two normally functioning people. Abuse at the hands of a Narcissist is psychological and emotional abuse MEANT to intentionally harm and damage a…

View original post 1,831 more words

Making An Easy Omelet

You always love the look of a pretty omelet,

and you love the taste of an omelet, 😋

but then you think it has to be really hard to make one.

Well, think again!!

I was always fascinated by how quickly and beautifully the hotel’s cook could whip up all my ingredients into the perfect, fluffy breakfast.

And I wished (for years) I could as well. I thought I needed an expensive pan or special tools, but I soon realized it wasn’t that hard at all to make omelets.

And in the past, I guess my kids were never very interested in eggs either, so now that I’m an empty nester, I’ve perfected it!😉

It really only took me about two tries to get it right, and I’ve been making them almost every morning for the last year. 🥚🍳

*********************

The items you will need for the perfect omelet are:

A small, nonstick pan is best.

A high heat spatula. I find a flexible rubber one is better for turning.

A cup to whisk in or some type of cup with a lid for shaking. ie shaker cup.

Ingredients:

1-3 eggs depending on how large you want your omelet. They go a long way!

1 dash of water or milk

And then, add any other ingredients you’d like to incorporate into your omelet.

ie. spinach, mushrooms, onions, peppers, bacon, sausage cilantro, avocado, feta and any spices you’d like. I like garlic and onion powder with a little basil and sometimes smoked paprika.

Just tailor it the way you (or hubby) would prefer.

Instructions:

1) Whisk or shake your eggs till well mixed. You can add your dash of milk or water for a lower fat omelet.

Also, I sometimes only use a few whites and one or two yolks for less cholesterol.

2) Get your pan to a medium high temperature and add a small amount of oil or butter.

3) Add your whisked mixture of eggs and any other items you’d like; don’t forget to season.

4) When the edges of the egg start to slightly cook you will see it begin to look like a pancake. You may even need to use your spatula to make a little hole to let the liquids cook better, or roll your pan around. I run the spatula around the edges to lift it slightly.

5) Don’t let the egg brown too quickly or cook on too high of a temperature. (You can tell by the edges getting brown.) Sometimes I even take the pan off the burner for a bit. Reduce the temperature till the egg mixture looks medium done. Place your spatula under one side folding the egg over itself.

NOTE: You don’t have to, but you can gently flip the egg over if you want to. It should cook through regardless of flipping, however.

6) Cook the omelet the remaining time till all ingredients look done, but not too brown.

7) If you put a lid on it at the end of cooking, it will puff up nice and fluffy.

I like to top my yummy omelet with avocado slices or homemade salsa. 👇🏽

*Quick 15 min. salsa recipe here: https://thentherestwo.com/2017/01/12/easy-salsa-recipe/.

ENJOY! ☀️

Yummy (no bake) Protein Bites

I’m always making up some kind of protein bar or bite now that we’re trying to watch our carbs.

And, I’m always trying to find something to sweeten them, so that my hubby will actually eat them and not be tempted to bring home other desserts.

Because neither one of us need those!🤪

I’ve made several protein bites before all with a nut base. For sweetening, I often use dried cranberries, honey or dates. Sometimes I add in oats, chocolate or coconut 🥥. I just try different nut and seed combos from time to time.

You can really do anything. They’re different everytime I make them.

All the ingredients came from ALDIS by the way.

Score! 🙌

There’s no baking, and they literally took maybe 20 minutes to make.

Double score! 🙌 🙌

So, here’s what I came up with this past Saturday.

Oh, and my hubs loved them btw. 👍🏼


Protein Bites

Ingredients:

1 cup pecan halves

1 cup unsalted almonds

1/4 cup chia seeds

2T coconut oil

3/4 cup chopped dates

1t vanilla

Salt to taste

Instructions:

Blend everything really well in a food processor.

Then, roll the mixture into small balls, place on a pan lined with parchment or wax paper and refrigerate.

Makes 21 small balls.

(They can also be frozen for later.)

But there’s no waiting really. You can eat them right away like my hubby did!

He’s already asked me to make a second batch. 🤗

Enjoy!

Pathways

You never know what’s just around the bend (good or bad). Refocus to assure you don’t swerve too far off the chosen path you’ve been asked to travel. .

Have No Regrets!

Do you constantly see things in the news or feel frustrated with hearing issues you wish you could change? 😿Well, you can… in your own, little corner of the world. Bloom where you’re planted. 🌻You may not be able to help everybody, but you can help that one person.

Do good. 🌾

Even in your own struggle and pain; REACH OUT to others.

It’s very hard at times, with all that life throws you, but oh so rewarding!

You were designed for a purpose. Don’t leave this earth regretting you didn’t do more to help mankind or to be God’s hand extended.

Waste no time.

Leave this earth knowing you made it a better place!

🙏💕

(pic taken along a walking trail with my hubby)

What’s UP?

Hey friends!

Some of you have asked where I’ve been as I really haven’t posted much of anything on my website/blog since Thanksgiving, other than an occasional picture to let you know I’m still out here in blog land.👋🏼

But, I had promised to share pictures from our trip out west to the Grand Canyon, Zion and surrounding sites. (I feel bad as some of you said you “couldn’t wait to see them”…so sorry. 😦 )

The deal is, I’ve been battling a lot of worsening health issues for the last 10 years with the last 2 just being unbearable pain. I’ve been trying to find answers for my lack of mobility and constant, daily pain for 2 yrs. now, mainly concentrated in my lower back, legs and arms.

[Basically, walking, sitting, and also doing anything that involved my arms has been excruciating…even at rest; just “being” really.]

Hence, I haven’t felt like typing much…nor can I do much of anything.

AND…to add to that, I have an eye disease that gives me further issues and blogging isn’t always feasible. I’m really not to be on any media/device at length.

Yeah, I’m soon to be 55 and feel 80 sometimes. UGGH!

(Well, some 80 year olds 👳‍♀️ are actually in better shape than me, sadly.)

**Interestingly, this blog was intended to cover health issues initially, because I have researched and tried sooo many things over the last 40 years and have learned so much ranging from hormonal imbalances, to urticaria, edema, resistant asthma, Lyme Disease, insomnia, blepharitis, to skin diseases, to…you name it… my husband and I have even talked about doing YouTube videos to share our experiences.

I’m a little camera shy though. 🎬👀 so, we shall see.🤔

But I really really feel the need to help people and have done a ton of research on multiple issues.

I just really want to share any findings/tips and hope for those suffering so horribly.

I’ve read a lot of the same type of stories as mine, people desperate for answers, and my heart goes out to them! So, I still want to get to helping others by providing what knowledge I have acquired.

In fact, if you’re interested with that type of information, being a part of my site here, or if I should add it to a site I already own, typically for health help, please leave me feedback!

I feel I haven’t gone through all of this for nothing and want to help others so badly!♥️ #dontwanttowastemysufferings

I’m kind of a health detective 🧐 of sorts, ha ha. No, but for real!

Sooo, I say all that to let you know where I’ve been and what exactly is up. 😁

I hope to get better as I just had some steroid shots in my neck and am able to type without pain at the present, a first, YAHOO!

I’m trying to stay positive but past procedures have really let me down. I have had some good days for now…a first…so I’ll sure take it!👍🏻

I just HATE using steroids (that’s another topic), and had a lot of them these past 2 yrs, but sometimes you just get so desperate!

Anyhow, I hope to be back to doing something on this blog soon!

Fingers crossed!🤞🏼

Hope you’re all doing well!

PS And so sorry I haven’t been visiting your blogs much these past few months, either. 😩